I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
