There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
