Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
