You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
