Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
