dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
