Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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