help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
