why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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