Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
