im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think your dad took our porno
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
