My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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