My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
