Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
