There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
