So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
