...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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