Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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