My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we're so committed to being not committed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
