I met the friendliest cop last night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
