So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
