Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
