I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
