Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
3 2 1 whiskey
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
