I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
