she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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