you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
