great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
