dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize