Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
