I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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