You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
