Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
