I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
