I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
