It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He felt like a one man threesome
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
