Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
