May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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