Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to align my fucking chakras
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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