there's paper in my vomit.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
