you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
