My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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