he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
