What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize