my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
