I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
