yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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