1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
