you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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