i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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