Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
