i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
