y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
