If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
