I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
smell my finger.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
