you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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