Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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