Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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