We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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