i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize