Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
