scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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